Pandora's Casket

I have been so pooped that I decided to work part of the morning then take the remainder of the day off. Felt pretty good until all of a sudden I did not have one thing that I wanted to do. You know how you have tons of things that you should do, or could do but what happens to those things that you can just do for the fun of it?

Instead of worrying about it and of course bugging the kids I re-installed the Simms 2. So for the past few hours I have spent a leisurely day playing that game. I love to design the houses and then decorate it. After that I have to admit that I tend to get ADD of Simms. haha

One thing with this game you do not need any Apidexin that is for sure you can get lost in this game for hours. Until it hits you it is time for bed and you still have things to get done!

Nice weekend though so now I ma ready to tackle those oil orders and think about re-arranging the work room!

At first I was going to write a posting that was not going to be very nice. Steaming from indignation and anger I was about to just simple let it all out. Which maybe in a way would have been a good release, well, at the time maybe. But then after a couple of hours or so I changed my mind on doing that.

It is funny how people perceive things. Whether they are real, imagined or blown up to be more than what they were at the time. Making their selves feel better about the person they are in the present blaming everything wrong with them on others. Not stepping up taking the personal responsibility for their inner failings, emotional instability and insecurities. Blaming all these things on what may or may not have happened in the past.

There are things in everyone's past that they have done that I am sure that they are not proud of yet this does not give someone, anyone for that matter the right to exploit these things in the wrong light adding more to them than maybe there was. I guess it makes a story better, just like in the movies, to embellish and add more drama than reality really was. Making themselves out to be the hero of the story is always a good way in which to gain sympathy or something that I will never understand.

Now, I love a good story, truly I do. Yet not one that is based on partial truths. Amazed at how people are blind only seeing what it is that they wish to see. And finally being so consumed in the lies and stories that they have come up with that they actually believe what it is they have made up. No matter if anyone else says it is true they remain adamant that it is.

I feel sympathy and even pity for those that do this type of thing. For they are lonely, miserable people in their own rights no matter how successful they may become.

I know that in my past there are things that I did that now I find unbelievable and do not even know that person from a certain period of life. I drank like a fish, dated a lot and I mean a lot and so on. Am I ashamed of it? Yes and No. My actions at the time were uncontrollable and very inappropriate yet without going through all that it formulated the person that I am now and have been over the years. Oh that person was there just not totally there.

BUT to make false claims of bad parenting? I have to say this FUCK YOU that is untrue. Maybe during that time I was not perfect but the other is an out and out lie. I am so tired of hearing the same tired story.
It is funny how 5 out of 6 do not feel this way. And there is one that was there and remembers.

Not one time did I ever say that none of the siblings should talk to one of the other siblings. Just the opposite. Funny how I get blamed for that. Something that I had nothing to do with.

I wish that my mother was a good mom. When I was younger I think that she was an okay mother. I do remember that I felt loved as a child. As I grew up and she kept having more kids and more issues with men and drinking she became a really bad mother. At times it was as if I was her parent along with being the parent to my brothers and sisters. It is because of her that I have no relationships with my sisters or brothers. She has broken any bond that we have tried to form. I really have no example of how to be a mother I just hope that I make my son feel loved and that he matters every single day or his life. IT hurts more then words can say on the void that I feel when I think about how my mother was and how horrible she turned out, but if it were not for my grandmother then I am not sure where I would be today! So while I had a crappy mother I did have and still do have the most amazing grandmother!!Sealed

Now, I could literally pick this apart. Yet what would be the point. As in reality it matters very little. It matters that there is pain that apparently will not ever be resolved. But the more you make yourself believe something you are stuck in a stagnant pool of darkness.

If it makes people feel better to play the blame game for their feelings of inadequacies then feel free to place it all on me. I don't mind at all. I can accept what I did wrong more than some people can. If that makes me a crappy mother, fine. I have 5 children that would tell you differently.